Books
Short Version: New book! Download here, or you can buy a hard copy if you prefer.
Mid-size Version: “Panda Apples” is a book about a young bear named Owen whose second cousin, Panda, comes to visit. Panda seems like a mild-mannered boy, but whenever he eats his fruity snack at the end of the day, things go… well, a little bit crazy.
The book may or may not be an allegory to the tendency of certain members of society to blame violence and/or anarchy on certain activities (say, visual entertainment of an interactive nature). Regardless, it is dedicated to a man you may have heard about, named Jack T, who is my hero. Ahem.
Long Version: Those of you who have been around this blog since before it got silly [cough hack sputter -ed.] may remember back in the summer of 2006, I talked about a book called “Panda Apples”. You may also remember that the book was not actually released “real soon now” as promised.
While I won’t get into why it wasn’t done (on the advice of my attorney, and because I’m plum out of chainsaws), I will say this: good writing takes time. And mine does too.
Thusly, I present to you a collaboration between myself and the formidable Mr Len Peralta of Jawbone Radio and Monster By Mail. Len is, I am sure you can tell by the thumbnail, quite genius with a pen, and he has vastly improved my meagre story with some of the most whimsical artwork you will ever see. [we have no idea what "whimsical" means -ed.]
Both Len and I hope you very much enjoy the book, and if you do, be sure to tell everyone you know. The book is downloadable under a Creative Commons Share-Alike Non-Commercial license, and also available in papery form from Lulu.com.
P.S. If you are interested in translating the book into your local language, drop me a line and I will send you the RTF source. I’ll try and remember to upload the actual file when I get back from my trip on a flying deathtrap.
The noise about the upcoming Canadian DMCA made me remember the Pig and the Box, which is well over a year old now. And strangely enough, I just happen to have new translations available as of today!
The Russian version is courtesy of Nikita, Katja and Kirill, who have done a great job introducing me to a language I have no hope of understanding on my own. Many thanks to them for helping me through the Great Italics Disaster of 2007 
You can download the Russian version here.
The Swedish version has actually been finished for a long time, and I humbly apologize to Patrik for not announcing it before. I see by my email records that I first received his work over a year ago, which means I’m far too stupid to live. You can download the Swedish version here.
And finally, I have the Dutch version for you! This one comes courtesy of Marco, who also did the Dutch Crow book. He did a ton of really hard work on this, and I feel extra-super-bad that I didn’t make a proper announcement in a timely fashion (although it was available to download). You can download the Dutch version here.
I’d just like to thank everyone that’s sent in translations over the last year, and let you know how cool it is for me that my silly little book is able to travel so far thanks to all of you. This is what Creative Commons is all about, and I’m so glad I could be part of it!
For years, he played the loveable Wesley Crusher, the kid at the controls of the starship Enterprise. But in the years since the little-known Star Trek went off the air, Wil Wheaton has found real fame online as an author and celebrity blogger. In his third book, “The Happiest Days of Our Lives“, Wheaton examines… well, we’ll come back to that.
Overall, this book is a breezy read, perfect for distracted moments while working tech support, or listening to your CEO explain downsizing to the troops. There is a strong narrative flow to the collection of stories, but each one stands on its own, so you don’t need to worry about reading the book out-of-sequence, like I did. In fact, I found that if you roll some D&D dice to help you choose your next chapter, it gives the book a very interactive feel.
And therein lies the biggest problem with “The Happiest Days of Our Lives“: Wheaton’s style is conversational, like an effortless monologue, and those familiar with his blog will see moments where, online, he would have hyperlinked a word or phrase. I found myself trying to poke those words with my finger to get more context, but to no avail. (side note: do not read the book while eating KFC)
The first story I read was “Let Go – A Requiem for Felix the Bear“, which is a gut-wrenching story about a stray cat Wheaton found one day, grew to love, and had to watch die from kidney disease. Having had many pets pass away over the years, snatches of the text were so familiar I felt compelled to down two glasses of scotch to preemptively drown out the sorrow I was about to feel. This story alone was worth the price of admission, for the pure cathartic effect it had. To accompany someone else on what is normally an agonizing personal journey is humbling… and yet…
If this was one of the happiest days of his life, what were the bad ones like?
Luckily, the other chapters were much more up-beat and optimistic. One recurring theme was the fact that Wheaton loves his step kids, and tells them so very often. I have never before felt like such an emotional recluse as I did at the end of this book. I have started saying “I love you” to strangers on the street, just to make up for lost time. I love you, readers. I love you so much.
The most confusing element of the book was the final chapter, “Lying in Odessa“, about a Hollywood underground poker game. Although the story was vivid and the characters well-drawn, I don’t play poker, so I fear a key part of the story was lost on me. If anyone out there knows: did he actually win the deed to Universal Studios, or am I misreading?
All in all, “The Happiest Days of Our Lives” is an excellent book and required reading for geeks the world over. And more than that, it should help to illustrate to non-geeks that those of us who have Star Wars figurines on our bookcases are not just freaks of nature, destined to die alone in the misery of a dimly-lit hell. Some of us write books, too.
You can buy “The Happiest Days of Our Lives” from Monolith Press by clicking here.
Over the last few days, it has rained a lot in Victoria.
Sorry, that doesn’t quite express it properly. It’s rained so much that it reminds me of Tokyo in the fall, where there are puddles so big you know there must be at least half a dozen people missing in their depths. Our local grocery store (which we just found out is being shut down at the end of the month because the landowners want to tear down the building so they can delay making overly-expensive condos) had a moat around it on Saturday… today the puddle looked so big I’m sure it must be flooded inside.
However, unlike Ottawa in spring, I haven’t been splashed by busses taking puddles at full speed yet! Relative victory!
On Saturday a scary man on a bus started verbally abusing my wife and kids with racist and sexist remarks. Upon being berated with “stupid Chinese… we should kill them all”, my little one apparently turned to my older daughter and said in English: “We can speak English and French and Japanese but not Chinese. How do you kill a language?” Thank god for youthful ignorance.
Eventually the fool was taken off the bus by transit police, but it was a very unfortunate experience all around. There have been subtle moments where people treat my family differently because they are overtly trilingual, but this is the first time someone’s been really mean about it. On the plus side, it was pouring bloody rain when he was kicked off the bus, and I bet he had a long way to walk. I’m petty and mean, I know.
All this is to say: I still don’t have a good picture for the Panda book yet, and there are 16 pictures to make. If I don’t get into the swing of things soon, I’m going to miss my deadline, and centipedes will come and devour my eyeballs. Or so I hear.
In my quest to overbook myself, I think I will commit to writing at least two outside-linking blog posts every day. To keep in practice while not causing myself bodily harm. I just have to find things to write about. Is there anything going on in the world these days?
One of my favourite parts of the Pig Experience™ has been talking to people from all over the world. I mean, I knew Iceland was a place, but I’d never had any real evidence it wasn’t made up. The same can be said for Italy. Well, no, that’s not true. I know people from Italy. But they always seemed a bit shifty, y’know? Like they were hiding something… like their homeland didn’t really exist.
Anyway, that can be put to rest now, because I got an email that Apogeonline, what looks to me to be kinda like O’Reilly in Italian, is now distributing “Il porcellino e la scatola“, which hopefully means “The Pig and the Box”.
Another big fat thanks to Laura and Fabio for making this happen, and if you speak Italian, go check it out!
Unrelated note: I’m falling desperately behind in all my work right now, so I may have to skip Cubits Wednesday. “Paying work”. Feh.
